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Tuesday, September 19, 2006 

Whatever

I have been really fucking busy lately, hence no update. Not much to say right now... I did however give in the other day and looked around on myspace. I don't see what the point of myspace is??? Its not a blog, so what the hell is it? I might have to cave in though and create a dumb account since everyone and their dog has one. I will write a real post in the next day or two.

***Fine, I suppose I will do a dumb survey thing that everyone does.***


1. How tall are you barefoot?
5 ft 11 in the last time that I was arrested.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Well, with the key word there being smoked. No, I can honestly say that I have never smoked heroin.

3. Do you own a gun?
Yes

4. Who's your best friend?
Mikey

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?
Fuck the parents, I don't deal with parents, not since I was under Eighteen years of age. I do however have the uncanny ability of impressing anyone I meet if I so desire. Just saying that I don't get nervous, because I really don't care.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
They are not hot, what the hell is with that??? Even those nasty ones you get from the conveinant store with the jalepenos in em....

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Baby it's cold outside by Bing Crosby and some woman.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Orange Juice. The Simply Orange, that was hand squeezed in Florida by Cubans for 10 cents an hour.

9. Do you do push-ups?
Do I do what? Is that some form of masturbation?

10. Have you ever done ecstacy?
I bet I have done more than Carla.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My C*ck Ring that has emeralds all the away around it... Just kidding. Probably my father's gold and turqoise ring that my mother made for him decades ago. He loved that ring.

12. Do you like painkillers?
Nope

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Hookers never turn down a dollar. You have to know how to wrangle the price down though...

14. Do you own a knife?
Yes, but mother hid it from me when I was younger and she has forgotten where she hid it. Pretty messed up huh?

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
Do I have, oh look a butterfly.... No I do not have A.D.D.

16. Middle Name?
Cole is my middle name

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment
1-wow, exact moment, that is a lot of pressure
2-I wonder how much sex I can have in one week?
3-Why is it that if you blow in a dog's face he will get mad at you, but if you put him in the car he sticks his head out of the window????

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought today:
I hired an attorney, but technically I didn't pay for it. Does that count? Other than that, not a damn thing.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
Wine, Orange Juice, and Coke.

20. What time did you wake up today?
I started the process around 10:30am, but after all the snooze button pushings, it was around 11:45am.

22. Current worry?
Not a single worry in the world at this moment.

23. Current hate?
Cigarette tax, bastards, and the bastards that are raising cigarette taxes.

24. Favorite place to be?
That is a very inappropriate question to ask while I am at work. Did I spell inappropriate correctly?

25. Least favorite place to be?
I was once stranded in middle of the desert in Arizona. That was not very pleasant.

26. Where would you like to go?
Austrailia

27. Do you own slippers?
No, I own a dog that likes to eat slippers for breakfast.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
Coast Guard

29. Do you burn or tan?
Tan

30. Favorite color(s)?
Blue and Green

31. Would you be a pirate?
What a question... I would like to make a remark about ass pirates, but Brent beat me there. Are we talking old school pirate, or modern day pirate?

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
Glass of wine almost every night.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing songs, but I did whistle one the other day. I got it stuck in my head at work... It is a god awful song so if I tell you what it is, it will be stuck in your head... Are you ready? It was "Safety Dance". You know the "we can dance if you want to, we can leave your friends behind...."

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
The pedophile that lived next door. Seriously though, I had the worst nightmares about snapping turtles. They have huge ones up north in Michigan and Illinois.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
Antiseptic Gel, keys, cash, credit cards, cigarettes, and a lighter.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Joe Rogan's stand up comedy last night.... He may be an obnoxious pri*k on "Fear Factor" but his comedy routine is hilarious.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I was sitting on the kitchen counter when I was about five years old while my family was boiling caramel to dip apples in... I jumped off of the counter and hit the handle of the pot that had the caramel in it. The boiling caramel went down my back... I still have the scars this day.... Many horrible horse injuries and a near death experience with bees, but that is the one that sticks out in my mind.

WHERES 39?
Probably with God. It makes since... Can you prove that the number 39 exists? If they do... Then God and the number 39 are probably having a big old laugh at our expense.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
3 and 3/4. I think my 60' plasma screen should count as 1 and 3/4

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Not a clue.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
The one that never talks

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I don't know. The neighbors dog across the street needs to be neutered. He trys to hump my leg. Does that count?

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
I personally have never been on a shooting star.

45. What is your favorite book?
Ok in the email that I replied to, I put Hamlet. That is just to show that I am smart. I do like many shakespearian plays, and I do read a lot of novels... But to be honest my favorites are "Hank the Cowdog". I haven't read one in years but those are among the first books I ever read on my own free time.

46. What is your favorite candy?
Not a big fan of candy. I would have to go with a snickers bar.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Nymphomaniac by Jason Boland...
"I want a rich young dumb nymphomaniac, to drive me around in her cadillac, when shes not down on her knees, she will be flat on her back... I want a rich young dumb nymphomaniac."

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
My wife gave me the best bl@# @#$@#$#@ last night....

50. What was the First thing you thought of when you woke?
Damn that was fun last night.....

Isn't it true that the race horses don't actually have sex? Don't they just get the sperm from the horse and inject it to the female with a long pole thingie? Is it still incest if they never have sex?

You know, I don't know if that counts or not. I do know that you must have read the first post I wrote right away, because I deleted that and now you just kind seem wierd talking about horse jizz.

I love that song by jason boland. I've actually got pics of him on my camera when he came here a couple weeks ago.

Why did you hire an attorney?

That really does look nasty. People could think I have some kind of fetish. Can you delete that comment for me?

Most men masturbate by wrapping their fingers around their erect penis and stroking it up and down until they ejaculate. Sounds boring, doesn't it? Centuries of practice assure us otherwise, but you can still add a little variety. While male masturbation tends to be focused on the penis, many men really enjoy stimulating other areas, such as the testicles, anus, prostate, inner thighs or nipples. If you haven't tried stroking one of these areas while you masturbate, give it a go. You might really like it! You can also try one of the following techniques:


Try a variance of your "regular" program by using your non-dominant hand.
Lube up and use both hands at once in a pumping motion along your shaft.
Encircle your penis with your thumb and forefinger positioned in a ring, and stroke it up and down your shaft. When you get to the top, close the ring, then squeeze your way in as you slide back down to the bottom of your shaft.
With one hand, stroke your penis from top to the bottom. When you reach the base, release it. Meanwhile do the same thing with your other hand, over and over again, alternating hands. Develop a rhythm!
Place your hands on either side of your shaft and start spinning it like it's a stick of wood you're trying to start a fire with. Proceed gently, you want gentle friction, not burning flames!
"Force" your penis into your closed fist as though you are penetrating it. Repeat the motion with your other hand, interchanging hands at the end of each stroke.
Use your open palm to swirl around the head of your penis, the way your tongue would lick an ice cream cone.
Turn the head of his penis like a you're trying to open a door knob coated with grease. Now try turning the other way. Repeat.
Stroke only your shaft, ignoring the head, which will swell and turn red. When it's bright red and rock hard, stimulate it gently with your fingers.
Lightly and slowly run a finger up the under side of your cock, gently pinching the sensitive vein underneath.
Here's a complicated move from The Society for Human Sexuality: Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the shaft. In order to visualize the position, think of yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth between your two hands by holding on to the loose skin of the shaft. Shuttling it back and forth in this manner may not seem incredibly thrilling at first, but pretty soon, as it builds up momentum, it will drive you out of your mind. Orgasms encountered via this method are sometimes messy, but always memorable.

Looks like some sick person enjoys posing as me. So in order to distinguish between me and that person i've decided not to ever post to this blog again. Sorry. So if there are any other posts that say "posted by JR" you can bet they're not me. It just gets old you know.

Nobody wants to claim writing it. I sure as hell would, its funny... I wish I would have thought about writing about masturbation when I was taking my english classes....

I learned where the term "hot dog" came from. I can't remember who told me, though, nor can I remember why we were talking about hot dogs.

BUT it came from the name of like a German dude or something who sold sausages with buns from a cart thing outside a sports stadium. He called them warm weiner dogs or something because they looked like dachsunds. So the rest of the vendors nicknamed them hot dogs.

That's a terrible story, isn't it?

Do you still have a blog tracker?? Track that one guy. See who's REALLY behind it.

P.S. Canes are really sexy, don't you ever watch House?

I thought those blog trackers were a scam to get you to download their toolbar that sends non-stop pop ups while you're on the comp. Are there actually blog trackers that work?

Wow, that comment about you wife giving you blowjob was pretty damn disrespectful. I don't know you wife or if she is cool with that sort of thing, but I know my husband would never say something like that for all to read. He tells me that sort of thing behind closed doors. Well, maybe she is flattered and that's all that matters.

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