Mouth of Madness

I am going to tell you all a story. It may seem bizarre, and to most people obviously just a story, but many people accept this following story as the truth. Bare with me here.

Around 75 million years ago, there was a handsome fellow, who went by the name of Xenu. Good old Xenu (or z dog as his buddies called him), was the ruler of a galactic confederacy that was made up of twenty-six stars and seventy-six planets. One of which was Earth, known at the time as Teegeeack. Xenu's confederacy was suffering from over population, around 178 billion per planet. So what would do if you were the ruler of an over populated galactic empire? Obviously you would send a shitload of your non constituents on space crafts that looked exactly like the DC-8 plane, to teegeeack (earth) to blow them up with volcanoes. Duh. This is what the DC-8 looks like - http://enzyklopadie.cc/de/media/c/c6/douglas_dc_8.jpg. So anyway, with the assistance of psychiatrist, all the people to be killed were drugged with alcohol and glycol, which then paralyzed the victims. When the planes reached earth and all the cute girls were molested, the paralyzed bodies were stacked around several volcanoes all over the world.... Ok so I added in the molested thing, but come on, you know you would sneak a peek, don't lie. So after the billions of bodies were stacked around the volcanoes, Hydrogen bombs were used to set the volcanoes off simultaneously. There were only a few bodies that physically survived this. Of course anyone with an IQ above 2.5 would know that this explosion would blow all the souls (thetans) from these bodies into the air. To keep these souls from coming back, Xenu used electronic ribbons to capture them. Imagine giant sticky fly paper. After trapping all these souls he took them to what you could call a movie theater and made them watch a 3D movie for about thirty-six days. This movie was meant to confuse them and to tell them what life should be like. The images in this movie were God, Satan, and Christ. This was implanting, more concisely it was the r6 implant. This put the misleading data and all things religion into the memory of all the souls. Apparently these souls attach to us, and fuck us up. As for our beloved ruler Xenu, he was over thrown and locked away in a mountain on one of the planets with a force field that is powered with a never dying battery. Take that you pink little fag bunny....

Have you guessed what story this is? It is what is known as incident 2 in the religion of Scientology. This is what you learn in the third level. To advance through the levels you have to pay though.... The top level is said to cost you about 380,000 dollars. That is a comma in the middle of those numbers, not a period.

Son of a bitch, after I molest me some pre pubescent children, like L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith, I’m going to create a religion. In my religion it will be revealed that we were all created by candy corn. Sounds good right?

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http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11965237/ - this is bullshit. This is the kind of shit that almost makes me want to cheer for Osama, and it is in Texas no less. Police in San Antonio and Dallas have started "pre-empted strikes" on drunks. They are sending undercover agents into bars to arrest people that are drunk. They can do this legally, because whether you are driving or not and even if you are in a bar, it is drunk in public. What would your reaction be if you were having a night out with friends and getting drunk at a bar, then all of a sudden some fucknut with a badge is arresting you? I do not think that there is anyone that I work with that this could not happen to, except maybe shane. Brent better watch out. Do you agree with what they are doing? All I have to say is that I hope these officers get hit by a drunk driver.

Another thing worth discussing, since some of you are mothers.... In Washington D.C. a man forgot his 7 month old daughter in the car, because he was trying to catch a train. He didn't realize it until he was at his destination. Firefighters were called by people who found the child locked in the car. The girl was returned to her mother. Child Protective Services said that they do not believe the child was intentionally left in the car. I brought this up, because it has a vote in this article. The question is "Does the father deserve to be punished for leaving his baby daughter in the car as he raced to catch his train?" There are almost 30,000 votes and "No" has 51%. What do you think? I personally think it was just an accident, and the father must me mortified. Here's the article, go vote for yourself. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11982453/
*edit*
I am writing this at almost 2am, and I have been here since 3pm. So this entire damn post might not make sense and that also goes for comments I left on various blogs. So I do not need spelling and grammar hints, This would be better if someone like Debbie H. would show up to work her shift. Just kidding Debbie, thanks for being a slacker and letting me steal your hours.

**03/26/06**
Holy shit I am bored. I need to quit my job and be a stay at home husband. Im gonna leave early tonight so I can go watch a movie, have lots of sex with my wife and/or girlfriend, and sleep all fucking day tommorrow. I plan on getting shitfaced drunk tommorrow night after class, and perhaps play a little poker or raquetball. 2hrs and 13 minutes til I can leave... So I was telling brenda that they should fire the fat smelly security guard that works here and hire two cute young female guards, preferrably with bi-sexual tendacies.... wouldn't that be great. We should write a letter to the security company.

There are a couple of things in the news lately that I decided I want to write about. First, I want to talk about my new hero. This guy is my idol. Millionaire, H. Beatty Chadwick has sat In prison for over a decade now, because he refuses to tell the court where 2.5 million dollars is located. This all stems from a nasty divorce that he went through. Think about that for a minute... He hates this woman so fucking much, that he would sit in prison for over ten years, rather than give her a single penny. To get out of prison, all he has to do is tell the authorities where his money is, or allow them access to certain files. I have no idea what happended in this divorce, but im sure it is her fault. She must have let his father and brothers train bang her on top of his rolls royce, while she gave oral sex to his favorite dog. Hell, that doesn't matter, he could have sodomized the maid for all I care. So why is this guy my hero? It is not her fucking money. Why should he have to give up his money? I have known several people in nasty marriages, that are stuck there because they can't afford a divorce. The whole concept of alimony just boggles my fucking mind as well. It is fucking ridiculous that a man or a woman should have to pay their ex spouse money until that person has re-married. I would choose prison as well. At work we have had some heated debates about prenuptual agreements. So im going to bring it up again. If I had assets at the time I got married, I would have demanded that amy sign a prenuptial. If she refused, then I would be single, and likely to have an STD or two. Many of the women that I work with (sam and isabel) seem to think that this is just a one way street for men. Women that go into a marriage with money want prenuptials as well. Both Sam and Isabel think that they should be allowed to walk into a marriage with a bag and leave with half the other person's money. Would you demand one if you had a lot to lose? Would you sign one if requested by your fiance? Isabel and Sam can go ahead and comment with their irrational crazy woman answers if they want to.

The other thing that I found rather funny, is the fact that New York and California where declared the two states with the dirtiest air. The risk of getting cancer in these two states is about 20% higher than in any other state. I love this because these are the two states that started the whole smoking ban bullshit. I hope all these politicians and council members develop lung cancer.... Bastards. A city in California has made it entirely illegal to smoke with in the city limits. You can smoke in your home or in your car, but only if the windows are rolled up. They tried that bullshit, here in Amarillo a couple of months ago. I know more non-smokers that went and voted against that then I do smokers. Rights are being slowly diminished. What a great fucking country.... I said before that I will not be surprised in the next few years when I can legally smoke a joint on the sidewalk, but will go to jail for lighting up a cigarette.

I only have a four hour shift to work tonight and I have killed about half of that reading the news. To kill the other half I thought I should update. What should I write about though? Most people write about whatever is on their mind. Funny thing though, sex is what is usually on my mind.... So why the fuck not... I sent many of you the msn article about sex injuries, which I read again tonight out of boredom. So I would assume that most of my co-workers have had sex and thus sex injuries. I can come to this conclusion the same way that I can guess that many of you never heard of birth control, Which perhaps I will discuss later if people keep getting put on bed rest. Anyway, for those of you who have not read the article, there are many bizarre cases of weird things being stuck in weird places, and then there are the ones that make you grab your crotch and shudder. I would hope that everyone has had good enough sex before that they banged their head on a head board or windshield, and of course there is the rug burn... Common stuff. There are often reports of people going to the emergency room to have various things pulled out of their ass by a doctor. Just ask my friend Dustin, who works in the ER- http://www.xanga.com/Malgore - So let me ask you this. Lets say (hypothetically, of course) that you have an obsession with shoving legos up your ass. One night while you are tenderly shoving those legos up your ass, they get stuck. What the fuck would you do? Would you go to the emergency room? How about this, there are reports of people who have gone blind in one eye because of sex. Due to the person screaming so loud during orgasm, they popped blood vessels in the eye. The sister of the above mentioned Dustin, is at serious risk of this happening. There was a woman who suffered from pneumoperitoneum, which is air in the abdomen. This was Jacuzzi-jet induced. Sounds like a fun kinda girl. Im not even going to go into detail about the injuries sustained by the guy getting head from his girlfriend who had braces. Everyone is aware of the fact that so far my ceiling fan has knocked me off the bed and almost into unconciousness twice. Though I have learned to quit standing up on my bed during sex. The worst sex injury by far, is "The Misfire". Some of you know what I’m talking about, but let’s just say that the misfire happens when, in the middle of a rigorous session of coitus, the man accidentally slips out in the backstroke and as he returns for re-entry, completely misses the target and crash lands somewhere around Thigh Island, and if we are lucky, the naughty place.... You women may bitch about this hurting you, but it is no where near the pain that men feel. It can cause a fracture. ouch. There may be one sex induced injury, that is worse than this. As stated in the comments on my last post, a man may risk decapitation of the head if he has sex with Carla. That does not sound too pleasant, does it? Just to remind you all, Carla is single and looking.... So what is your worse sex injury?

I know I am an asshole, but I found this headline in the news to be rather amusing. Eighteen-year-old Miss Deaf Texas killed by train. Is it just me? I feel really bad for her family and it sucks that she had to die so young, but still.....

In this article - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11826011/ - it talks about a man who is suing a police department that cited him for flipping some one off.... I don't know the exact details and I don't care. I hope this man wins. Damn the man. Kill whitey. that was for you isabel...

So I watched HBO's new show Big Love last night. I think it will be another great show from HBO. I was disappointed with the lack of nudity, but I suppose I can forgive that. It is about a polygamist mormon family. Bill Paxton's character has three wives. Im not so sure I could do the polygamy thing. I know I could dig the sex with several wives thing, especially all at once. I just don't think I could emotionally love more than one woman at a time. I know a guy that lives in Las Vegas who lives with two girlfriends. They all share the same bed, bank account, and all the other stuff an average couple shares. He swears that he is in love with these two women that he lives with. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with polygamy, whatever floats your boat. It just wouldn't be for me. How about you? Do you think it should be legal? Keep in mind that polygamy and bigamy are different things. In polygamy everyone is aware of the situation, where as bigamy it is one person marrying several others who have no knowledge of the other spouses. Polygamy refers to the practices of a man having several wives or a woman having several husbands....

*edit*
ok, I had to share this claim I took recently. You co-workers should know what store this came from. the description was "customer was eating soup when bit into mouse, causing customer to vomit on pants causing damage to pants and emotional distress"
fucking nasty. That is the second mouse in soup claim that I have taken in the last 30 days.

not as interesting but I just took a claim for an injured ee that fell off a stack of boxes and through the second floor down to the first.... that would suck

There is a blog that I read and the woman that writes it was talking about being obsessesd with getting comments. Normally when I refer to another blog I post it, but since this one is a rather dirty blog that may or may not have some nudie pictures, Im not going to link it here. I wouldn't want it to get blocked at work. If you people that work with me want a site though that could possibly have some nude pictures, let me know. Since I get bored fairly often at work, I read alot of blogs. The obsession with comments is something I notice with a lot of people. You can comment on a persons blog and they will answer you right away. Im not talking about you people that I work with, we have to do something to keep ourselves entertained. I would be willing to bet money, that alot of these blogs that im talking about are people that sit at home and stare at their computers all day. I do admit that I like getting comments, but I am not obsessed with it. Honestly, I don't think I would even write in this blog if I did not work where I do. With all the blogs I surf, I could easily get fifty comments, all I would have to do is post once on every blog I read. Then there are some people who do not get any comments what so ever. You could look through all of the archives and not find a single comment, but they are great writers.... do they write just for enjoyment? Anyway, while im on this subject, you other co-workers that do not have blogs, but like to read ours, you need to share your opinions. Brenda, Shane, Debbie, and whoever else has the links. Maybe you just like being voyeurs, you perverts.

The power is going to be turned off in our work building while they replace a generator or something of the sort, so im sitting here in the customer building, the lights are pretty low and it is a rather relaxed enviroment. This got me thinking, it would be awfully nice to have sex with my wife here. The desks are the perfect height, and no one would be the wiser. One of the times that I was working by myself, my wife and I had sex on the account specialist's desk. This sticks out in my memory because during the process, his headset went halfway up my ass. I just pulled it out and put it back, I hope he didn't notice. Another time that we were having sex on the account specialist's desk, I used his keyboard to spank my wife, she wanted it hard, there were indents from the keys on her ass. Im just kidding shane, in case you still read our blogs. Seriously though, this is the perfect place and time to have sex with my wife while at work. It isn't going to happen though, not because Im a dedicated employee who would never do such a thing, but because my wife is at work. And really, if it ever does happen, do you think I would post it on my blog that one, maybe two, of the supervisors reads..... maybe, who knows.

One of the more interesting news articles that I have read today was talking about the federal government cracking down on pimps. If the feds go after the pimps they can charge them with more serious crimes and put them away for longer periods of time, rather than the minor charges that the states can give out. It goes on and on about how bad pimps are, which I do not disagree with, but then it talks about all of these programs that millions of dollars are going into, to prevent women from being forced into prostitution. Millions of dollars are also spent on all of the government task forces they have to bust all of these pimps and hookers. So here is what my main platform would be if I were to run for president.... Prostitution needs to be legalized all across America, not just in Nevada. With legal brothels, medical checks would be mandatory and monitored by the state, thus helping in reduction of STD's. This has been proven with the low STD rate in the Nevada brothels. We all know that pimps are not the sweet caring men that they portray themselves as to hookers, when they are not beating them. Though Isabel may disagree... Legal prostitution may not stop all of the problem with pimps, but it would greatly reduce it. Stiffer charges could be given by the states if there was not a proper business license, and more than likely tax evasion... Less money would have to be spent on law enforcement task forces. This has been proven in places where there is legal prostitution, less rape, std's, and a lot less money wasted on busting prostitutes. Just so you women know, they are opening some brothels in Nevada with male prostitutes for women.... So once again if I were running for president, prostitution would be legal, as would most drugs. To much money is wasted on drug enforcement laws when they are not needed. Marijuana is in the top ten cash crops for every state in America.

Another interesting article I read was about a 75 year old woman who robbed a bank at gun point in PA. All I have to say about that is I hope im in good enough condition to rob banks if I make it to 75. They should let her go just for being a role model to elderly people who do not do anything. At least she still has some inniative. So there you go, vote for me as president and there will be legal prostitutes, legal drugs, and old people can get away with robbing banks.

Nothing to post lately, I have just been studying for tests.... Not much to bitch about either, except don't fucking drive in the left lane unless you are speeding or passing. That pisses me off more than anything. what assholes. Everyone and their dog has sent me the list that the amarillo police dept put out with names of people who have warrants, And they have all acted so surprised when they told me about it.... I have told all of you that I have had a warrant for my arrest for atleast a year now.... come on people, that is why I have no drivers license. Other wise I would be at the strip club and out drinking every night. I will post something longer and more interesting in the next day or two. And tommorrow I will go and comment on blogs...