Mouth of Madness

I am going to tell you all a story. It may seem bizarre, and to most people obviously just a story, but many people accept this following story as the truth. Bare with me here.

Around 75 million years ago, there was a handsome fellow, who went by the name of Xenu. Good old Xenu (or z dog as his buddies called him), was the ruler of a galactic confederacy that was made up of twenty-six stars and seventy-six planets. One of which was Earth, known at the time as Teegeeack. Xenu's confederacy was suffering from over population, around 178 billion per planet. So what would do if you were the ruler of an over populated galactic empire? Obviously you would send a shitload of your non constituents on space crafts that looked exactly like the DC-8 plane, to teegeeack (earth) to blow them up with volcanoes. Duh. This is what the DC-8 looks like - http://enzyklopadie.cc/de/media/c/c6/douglas_dc_8.jpg. So anyway, with the assistance of psychiatrist, all the people to be killed were drugged with alcohol and glycol, which then paralyzed the victims. When the planes reached earth and all the cute girls were molested, the paralyzed bodies were stacked around several volcanoes all over the world.... Ok so I added in the molested thing, but come on, you know you would sneak a peek, don't lie. So after the billions of bodies were stacked around the volcanoes, Hydrogen bombs were used to set the volcanoes off simultaneously. There were only a few bodies that physically survived this. Of course anyone with an IQ above 2.5 would know that this explosion would blow all the souls (thetans) from these bodies into the air. To keep these souls from coming back, Xenu used electronic ribbons to capture them. Imagine giant sticky fly paper. After trapping all these souls he took them to what you could call a movie theater and made them watch a 3D movie for about thirty-six days. This movie was meant to confuse them and to tell them what life should be like. The images in this movie were God, Satan, and Christ. This was implanting, more concisely it was the r6 implant. This put the misleading data and all things religion into the memory of all the souls. Apparently these souls attach to us, and fuck us up. As for our beloved ruler Xenu, he was over thrown and locked away in a mountain on one of the planets with a force field that is powered with a never dying battery. Take that you pink little fag bunny....

Have you guessed what story this is? It is what is known as incident 2 in the religion of Scientology. This is what you learn in the third level. To advance through the levels you have to pay though.... The top level is said to cost you about 380,000 dollars. That is a comma in the middle of those numbers, not a period.

Son of a bitch, after I molest me some pre pubescent children, like L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith, I’m going to create a religion. In my religion it will be revealed that we were all created by candy corn. Sounds good right?