Perverted Injuries
I only have a four hour shift to work tonight and I have killed about half of that reading the news. To kill the other half I thought I should update. What should I write about though? Most people write about whatever is on their mind. Funny thing though, sex is what is usually on my mind.... So why the fuck not... I sent many of you the msn article about sex injuries, which I read again tonight out of boredom. So I would assume that most of my co-workers have had sex and thus sex injuries. I can come to this conclusion the same way that I can guess that many of you never heard of birth control, Which perhaps I will discuss later if people keep getting put on bed rest. Anyway, for those of you who have not read the article, there are many bizarre cases of weird things being stuck in weird places, and then there are the ones that make you grab your crotch and shudder. I would hope that everyone has had good enough sex before that they banged their head on a head board or windshield, and of course there is the rug burn... Common stuff. There are often reports of people going to the emergency room to have various things pulled out of their ass by a doctor. Just ask my friend Dustin, who works in the ER- http://www.xanga.com/Malgore - So let me ask you this. Lets say (hypothetically, of course) that you have an obsession with shoving legos up your ass. One night while you are tenderly shoving those legos up your ass, they get stuck. What the fuck would you do? Would you go to the emergency room? How about this, there are reports of people who have gone blind in one eye because of sex. Due to the person screaming so loud during orgasm, they popped blood vessels in the eye. The sister of the above mentioned Dustin, is at serious risk of this happening. There was a woman who suffered from pneumoperitoneum, which is air in the abdomen. This was Jacuzzi-jet induced. Sounds like a fun kinda girl. Im not even going to go into detail about the injuries sustained by the guy getting head from his girlfriend who had braces. Everyone is aware of the fact that so far my ceiling fan has knocked me off the bed and almost into unconciousness twice. Though I have learned to quit standing up on my bed during sex. The worst sex injury by far, is "The Misfire". Some of you know what I’m talking about, but let’s just say that the misfire happens when, in the middle of a rigorous session of coitus, the man accidentally slips out in the backstroke and as he returns for re-entry, completely misses the target and crash lands somewhere around Thigh Island, and if we are lucky, the naughty place.... You women may bitch about this hurting you, but it is no where near the pain that men feel. It can cause a fracture. ouch. There may be one sex induced injury, that is worse than this. As stated in the comments on my last post, a man may risk decapitation of the head if he has sex with Carla. That does not sound too pleasant, does it? Just to remind you all, Carla is single and looking.... So what is your worse sex injury?
Okay, I have quite a few sex injuries on my resume because well, I will try damn near anything if you spend the time to talk me into it.
The first one that comes to mind was when I was tied to all four posts of the bed, covered in massage oil, and there was a "missfire" that landed my man balls deep in my mudhole. The scream that followed was similar to something you would hear on The Last of the Mohecians. It was not only painful but a very big suprise.
There has been many times that I have trouble walking normally after hours of lovemaking, and I have had numerous pulled hamstrings. But those are common. There was one day that I was feeling rough, and asked for a spanking. My man spanked me as hard as he normally does, so I asked for a harder one, and even harder one, after a while I decided that he needed more encouragement for me to get the swat that I wanted, so I said to him "harder you pussy!" This encouragement gave him the inspiration to spank my ass as hard as he could. I was finally satisfied. The next morning, when I got out of bed, I complained that my butt hurt. My man started laughing at me and told me to go look at my ass in the mirror. When I checked it out, I saw the worst welt that I have ever seen in my life. I could see the creases in his palm in the welps on my ass. The welps later became bruises and I had trouble sitting on my ass for the next few days. I don't think I've wanted a spanking THAT hard since. But at the time, it didn't hurt at all... it felt just right.
Posted by
AriesBiatch |
9:44 PM
correction cole...officially single but unofficially looking. get it right! i've never had any of the above happen to me but one time while having sex at my exbf's workplace...(the manager's office)on the tile floor, i suffered a minor contusion to my spine. ouch. it hurted (i know "hurted" is not a word but it sounds better) for days. now i feel special. MY NAME is in cole's blog. ahaha sorry isabel.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:05 AM
So how would you code that for a claim? 10 - 43 - 80.... I left Isabel's name out because I figure that if she will comment with some of her injuries, it will be longer than my post. She is a veteran from what I understand.
Posted by
wiseguy563 |
10:52 PM
why the fuck are my comments not working
Posted by
wiseguy563 |
3:42 PM