Mouth of Madness

I have known for a long time that I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I have never gone and talked to a doctor about it, but I have this thing with germs. Even when I was a little kid I would do stuff like put a towel down in the bathtub before I got into the shower. It has never really been something that I felt that I could not control. I hide it very well. There are a lot of things that bother me. One of the worst is shaking hands with other people. I always shake hands, it would be extremely rude other wise. I am always carrying the antiseptic hand gels, but I am able to control the urge to wash my hands right there in front of the person, but it is the only thing on my mind until I get a chance to get away so that I can wash my hands. As everyone that works with me knows, I am not to fond of babies. I get along with them ok as long as they are house trained. Last night my wifes nephews were at our house... I almost lost my fucking mind watching them wrestle on my couch... needless to say I busted out with the lysol after they left. I am fairly sure that my problem is the main reason I hate kids. I should rephrase that, I do not hate kids, I get along great with other peoples kids as long as they go home. I play even better with them if they are not at MY house. There are many other things that I often do that no one ever notices. A lot of people think I really like to stand, and really I don't mind standing, but the thought of sitting down on other peoples furniture.... Oh My God. especially at peoples houses who have children. I take ATLEAST three showers a day, usually more. I have never in my life used a public toilet, for the most part I can deal with urinals. I will obsess over the fact that a person does not wash his hands when done with the public restrooms. I mean obsess. I will think about it for hours afterwards. Im sure this is one of the reasons that shaking hands is my number one issue. There are many other things that I do, and I keep it very well concealed. My wife knows about my issues, but I do not think that she notices all the things I do. Of coarse she is very aware of all the showers I take. None of this was anything that I could never control. I had one incident about a month or two ago. I had ran into an old aquaintance who looked nasty. He had pinkeye (which was not the main thing that bothered me) when I went to shake his hands I saw that his fingernails were long and absolutely filthy. I mean goddamn they were horrible. After I shook his hand I made a quick exit, and got into my car. I could not breathe. I drove to my nearest friends house and scrubbed my hands and arms like they were the fucking plague. So after scrubbing down for a minimum of five minutes, I then proceeded to take soap and water out to my car where I scrubbed the inside of my car down for half and hour. I did not understand why I was doing it, just that I could not breathe or stop sweating. As soon as I was done with the inside of my car, I went home and took a shower, scrubbing my arms and hands even more. This was the only time that things really got out of control. In school when I was doing clinicals... I love trauma... blood and guts - right up my alley. It fascinates me. I have a Cousin who majored in psychology, and since has given me some advice that does not seem to do jack shit. He says that it is not strange that I enjoy medical stuff, since it is in a sterile enviroment and I am wearing protection, he says that may even be why I am so interested in it.... Most people that know me have absolutely no idea that I am this way. I am not embarrased of my insanity, and I really do not care if people know about it. The main reason I hide it and keep it to myself is that I could only imagine how insulting it would be to many. So don't take offense, it's just a quirk of mine, nothing personal.